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More About Aquarius


Aquarians are archetypical outcasts. This doesn’t mean they’re loners. In fact, they thrive in large groups—charming you with their peculiar senses of humor, intriguing you with fun facts about the history of disposable straws, or convincing you to join their reading group. The alienation they feel is often self-imposed—a result of their knee-jerk contrarianism, rather than a lack of social intelligence. They try to be weird. They hang grapefruit rinds from the wall and call it art, they pretend to actually like noise music, they saturate their internal monologues with SAT words.

“Intelligence,” to them, means the ability to formulate the most unpopular opinion possible. If they were white sheep, they’d dye their wool black just to prove a point. They are destined to live their lives in direct opposition to the current world. In fact, they are world-builders. An entire universe exists in their heads, and this universe adheres to its own set of logic that doesn’t map onto reality. They are not liars. They are utopians. They are not cold. They are rational. To them, emotions are just holes in their idealistic vessels. Why succumb to sensitivity when there is so much knowledge to acquire, so many problems to be solved, worlds to invent?

They sometimes ask, “Why can’t I be normal?” but in reality, they find normalcy boring, and they stake their self worth on their ability to be interesting. They want to be unknowable. They want to evade definition. Definitions are binding little rules that other people use to restrict their movement, and they must resist anything that infringes on their freedom to drift. Between definitions, between the individual and the common, between themselves and humanity. The ultimate Aquarian struggle is resolving the tension between their need for community, and their need for complete detachment.

Aquarians are always running little tests. They live their lives as one big science experiment, using the element of surprise to collect reactions and construct theories about the intricacies of human nature. They are walking abstract art pieces, shattering traditional perspectives with their complete disregard for convention. They are martyrs to the cause of “humanity”, and “freedom” is their only demand.

Aquarius in Sex, Love, and Romance

This is most relevant to Aquarius Venus and Mars, though Aquarius Suns may identify with some traits.


  1. Walk around with a blasé air, as if the world is just happening around you without your permission. Maybe get a weird haircut.
  2. Send them a link to a Gregorian chant. Tell them that this song reminds you of them.
  3. Stay up until 6:00 AM talking about “the system” and your shared hatred of it, without ever getting specific about what you actually mean.


Aquarians are lofty philosophers, perusing the dating pool from their perch on a mountain top. Everything they know about love they’ve learned from the many books they’ve read. Love to them is just a practical theory. A philosophical musing. A meshing of minds. No head rush. No warm blood needed. It’s a science. It’s chemistry. It’s a psychological phenomenon.


Aquarians are attracted to intelligence. Inspiration is a romantic spark for them. Sharing the same sense of humor is the same thing as a connection. They aren’t necessarily attracted to people who share their interests, because there is a part of them that hates their interests, but they are drawn to people with niche pursuits that they don’t fully understand.

Aquarians are addicted to figuring people out. They want to know about you. Not your feelings or your childhood. Not your psychological and emotional makeup, but the facts you know, the interesting experiences you’ve had, the opinions you’ve developed. They use this information to depict you as an idealized caricature that they can hang in the heart-shaped museum of all their past and present relationships.

Aquarians want to be accepted for their eccentricities, but find it difficult to accept that their partners don’t match their idealized portraits. What Aquarians fear most is being confronted by a real body with normal faults and failures. They know that when people get close, they form expectations. Expectations that threaten their independence make them feel resentful. They grow cold and distant, then wonder why their partners start acting clingy. Aquarians don’t see their unwillingness to compromise as selfishness. When they turn inward, they don’t see a self at all, they only see “the truth.”


If you asked an Aquarius to describe their perfect partner in one adjective, they would probably say “ineffable.” They need partners who can understand their need for space without taking it personally. Partners who don’t try to wrangle them with unspoken expectations or guilt trips. Partners who are independently motivated. Who have their own passions, and take pleasure in sharing them with others. Partners who are interested in experimenting with non-traditional relationship models. But most importantly, partners who will show them the visceral side of love, the part that can’t be described in a biology textbook. The part that is more than just an idea. A living, breathing thing that is the basis for all real human connection.


Aquarians are clever. They don’t present themselves as very flirtatious—in that sense, they can be a little alienating. They don’t like small talk. It may seem like they are on the verge of a kiss, and then they’ll just start talking about some new economic policy they read about. In their nervousness, they sometimes get so excited talking about themselves that they forget to ask you questions or otherwise show you that they’re interested. Aquarians often use humor as a crutch. They’ll start playing some nonsensical game to make you laugh. If you’re interested in an Aquarius, you may need to do most of the work in driving things forward. Don’t take them too seriously, but make them feel understood and comfortable enough to slow down and be present.

Aquarius in Friendship


Aquarians make very good acquaintances. They are friendly people, but their enigmatic nature makes them difficult to get close to. You can know an Aquarius for years and still feel like you don’t know anything about their personal lives. When you ask them about themselves, they talk about the impending environmental catastrophe, or else repeat facts from the last documentary they watched.

Aquarians want to be helpful, but this attentiveness is frequently directed at the people they know the least. They may borrow your sweater without asking, then pass it on to a stranger on the train who looked cold. It’s as if their duty to humanity trumps any sense of responsibility they might feel towards the people closest to them. They think it’s selfishly biased to prioritize close friendships over everyone else in the world, and they stroke their humanistic ego by projecting themselves as the perfect selfless giver.

Aquarians are personality collectors. They tend to surround themselves with a curated cast of strange characters, but never get to know them beneath their surface-level attributes. Deep connections based on shared sensibilities are not necessarily the most interesting ones. They want to learn from people who are as different from them as possible. They seek constant social stimulation. They’re terrified of falling into the complacent herd mentality of a single friend group.

Aquarians aren’t necessarily the friends you seek out when you’re in a crisis. They want to support you, but their problem-solving mind short-circuits trying to come up with the objectively right thing to say. Turn to them when you’re hungry for a strange adventure that will turn into an entertaining story to tell at parties—or if you want someone to explain what ontology means.


There are two main sources of an Aquarius’ anger. The first one is the world not operating according to their idealistic standards: people acting like jerks, social injustice, or an inefficiently designed grocery store. When their boss tells them to do something that doesn’t make sense. To this they respond with irritation, and righteous disbelief, completely unafraid of the consequences.

The second is when someone blames Aquarius for being wrong in some way: acting immorally, hurting someone’s feelings, being a hypocrite. Accusations of this sort rattles Aquarians to their core, though you might not see evidence of that till months later.

When an Aquarius gets angry, it comes as a total surprise. The root cause is usually that they feel misunderstood, unjustly blamed, or that their actions have been misconstrued in some way—anything that tarnishes their idealistic self-image. It is hard for Aquariuans to express their anger, because even though they take everything personally they are constantly afraid of being considered illogical. They are experts at maintaining the upper hand, and are more likely to deal with upset feelings through sarcasm, condescension, or defensive deflections. So at first, they’ll push their own anger out of view. It’ll eat away at them, a slow-burning downward spiral and negotiation with their own self-hatred. Next time they’re triggered it all comes bubbling up to the surface in a mass-eruption of convoluted explanations.

An Aquarian who has learned to get in touch with their emotions can be quite forthright when they are angry. It’s almost like, the angrier they get the more logically they approach it. This doesn’t mean they won’t get emotional. But when they resent you or feel hurt, instead of shutting down they’ll tell you to your face. “Hey, I am mad at you right now and don’t want to talk to you for a while. Let’s check in next week.” And they really mean it.